He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
