i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
