Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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