I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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