i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
