i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
