I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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