The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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