watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
