he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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