Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
40s are totally the cure
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
