just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
