It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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