my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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