Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
