If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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