Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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