I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
