I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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