I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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