Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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