I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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