I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.