i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away