All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves