loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock