I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.