Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.