People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
