The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize