May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
