I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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