she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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