Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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