so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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