Is it normal to miss your booty call?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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