I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
