So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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