If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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