She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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