I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is Oprah even human
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
