Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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