Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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