You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
