is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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