Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
