He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
