i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
