Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
