you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
