You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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