Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
