Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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