I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
