How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
