I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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