1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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