I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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