Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
