I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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