So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
