Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
