my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize