Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
