I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
