I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
