First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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