Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
