Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
