Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
