We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
