first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
where am i from again
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
