I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
