I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
