I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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